Note: an edited repost from long ago.
ZERRIN: You pull me to your chest. I melt in your arms and go limp at the spine. I close my eyes, throw my head back like a tango dip, and proudly expose my neck to you. You caress my clavicles and neck.
You pull out your dagger and cut the straps of my dress. I shudder with excitement. My dress falls to the floor.
You cut my panties and they fall away. I’m now naked in your hands. You run the knife up and down my body. You kiss my throat, and I’m already in ecstasy.
There is a crackling fire in the hearth. My body is glistening with a thin layer of sweat. I lift my left knee and wrap my leg around your thigh. I push my hips against your leg and gently rub my crotch against the rough texture of your denim trousers. My clit is swollen like a pea, my pussy oozing cum.
The gyration of my hips against your legs parts my pussy lips. They make a moist, sticky noise. You support my waist, my back limp as my upper body and head dangle in your arms.
You lean over and kiss my chest. You kiss me between my breasts. You kiss my breastbone where my heart is. My nipples are hard.
Your rough, day-old stubble grazes my nipples until I cry out in pain. You gently suck on them to relieve the sting. You pick me up in your large hands and fling my petite body onto the bed.
You take your clothes off, standing there with knife in hand. You wait for the longest of moments. I want your hands upon me again, but you make me wait.
I writhe and squirm with desire under your intense gaze. I’m desperate for your hands around my waist and neck. You still just stand there and look at me.
I run my hands up and down my body. I rub my stomach, breasts, arms, shoulders and neck. It’s as though I’m pretending these are your hands.
You slowly approach. I almost explode with the anticipation of your touch. All you do is grab my wrists before cuffing them to the corners of the bed.
You do the same with my ankles. My glistening body is now splayed upon the bed. My arms are spread above my head. My legs are parted; you can see my pussy.
You step back again and make me wait. I can’t take it anymore. I lift my pelvis as though offering you my pussy.
I feel ashamed I have to resort to this kind of display to arouse you. “Where’s your self-respect, girl?” I ask myself. Yet I love the power you have over me.
I feel vulnerable, spread out like this. Yet your strength makes me feel safe. Still, I’m conflicted and confused.
I’m ashamed, yet completely aroused. I try to hold back, yet I’m dying to let go. What a roller coaster; what a man!
I want to scream, “Come fuck me, lover!” But I choke on my words. “You’re never this slutty,” I say to myself.
You spare me this humiliation as you take a step toward me. Your lips, hands and thighs touch me at the same time. I nearly die.
I feel your beautiful penis between my legs. You reach down and open me up with your fingers. Then you impale me with it.
ME: It’s a sharp thrust. You gasp, biting your lip to stop the scream that wants to tear itself from your lungs. I withdraw until I’m almost out.
You fight to keep from whimpering; you want me inside so badly. You lift your pelvis up again as though begging me.
You’re desperate to feel me completely inside you. You want me to take you… to fill you with my hot seed. Then you notice the knife in my hand.
Your brow knits in confusion. Your clothes are all off now. Surely I don’t need it any longer. Yet it’s still in my hand.
I thrust my manhood hard inside you. You inhale sharply, the sensations momentarily obliterating your view of the knife. Then I withdraw again.
You whimper in agony, on the verge of begging me not to torture you thus. Your body aches for me to finish what we’ve started. But the knife is still there.
You feel a pang of unease in the pit of your gut. Something is wrong. Tendrils of fear began to weave their way through your nervous system.
I start thrusting harder into you. But as I do you see the knife loom large in your field of vision. Your breath catches in your throat.
This game is new, filled with excitement and danger. Then the knife lunges toward your throat. The blade is ready to slice across your flesh.
Your eyes go wide with uncertainty. In my face you detect an expression indicating this is not a game. You inhale sharply.
You cannot believe it! Is your very life required of you this night?
For a moment you are numb with shock despite our love-making. Your mind searches frantically for the reason. You can only conclude it may have something to do with the Organization of which I am a part.
You look into my face. My expression has grown cold. You shiver with growing fear.
Have I been given some insane order that means your demise? You inhale sharply, your body trembling from a combination of fear and arousal. I continue to thrust terrible pleasure deep inside you.
You come to a decision. You close your eyes and tip your head back. Then you bare your neck to me. If it must be done, you are now willing to accept it by my own hand despite your growing anxiety.
You tense up, praying I might delay until you have experienced pleasure one last time. You desire to feel one last orgasm at my hands. But the moment drags on a bit too long.
You open your eyes to view my face. Time seems to come to a complete standstill as you look into my eyes. You can tell an order must have been given. But there is hesitation… reluctance… unwillingness.
I slowly withdraw the knife from your throat. You feel an incredible surge of relief that only further accentuates your arousal. But now you feel me start to soften inside you.
You look deep into my eyes. Real fear suddenly grips your heart. What if my life becomes forfeit if I fail my assigned task?
Your love for me is overwhelming. You cannot risk my sacrifice, no matter the cost. You swallow hard as you make a momentous decision.
No words are spoken as our eyes meet. As true lovers we are capable of great conversations with only a glance. In a moment I see it in your face… your incredible love and submissive spirit.
A trembling sigh slips past your lips. A moment later you deliberately tip your head back again. Once more you bare your vulnerable neck to me. Your meaning could not be more clear…
“Do what you must do, my love. I give my life to you.”
I tremble as my member suddenly hardens inside you at the realization of what you are offering me. Understanding is communicated back and forth between us without a single word. Then I feel your pelvis thrust upwards…
“Please! Take me before you do what you must!”
My resolve strengthens. With it grows my intense desire for you. Once more I begin to thrust into you, this time with greater urgency.
“Harder!” your eyes communicate to me. That’s when I feel it grow within my heart. It’s something that’s always been there, monstrous and evil. Until now it has never been directed at you.
You see it in my eyes. You acknowledge it with a nod… “Yes, my darling. You must harden yourself. You must show no mercy; not now and not ever. It will only prolong your life.”
I thrust harder. As I do, you sense the moment is almost at hand. There is so much you want to say to me now. But the act of speech feels as though it would violate such intimacy.
You force yourself to remain silent. Yet you give me a look that says all…
“I’m almost there, my love. It’s time.”
Reading your expression perfectly, I bring the knife toward you. You tremble as you slowly tip your head back. This time you find yourself giving me one last gift… that of your slender neck.
Your body tenses, a delirious combination of arousal mixed with fear and dreadful anticipation. You feel the knife at your throat. You also feel one last orgasm rush toward you.
“Do it,” your eyes tell me resolutely. “Do it now.”
You see my face as my hand pulls the knife across your flesh. Reflected in my eyes is the disturbing image of a cold-hearted murderer. At least my position will be safe within the Organization.
You allow yourself an inward smile of relief and satisfaction. In my eyes resides the faintest flicker of my love for you. Then it is gone, instantly replaced by searing pain in your neck.
Pain/pleasure blossoms in your loins with a fiery eruption. Your body spasms as it tries to throw me off. Your pussy convulses as it tries to squeeze the very essence out of my throbbing manhood.
You feel a warmth on your neck. Immediately you realize you’re bleeding to death. Instinctively you try to scream from the pain/pleasure. But all that emerges from your trembling lips is a wet gurgling noise.
Blood bubbles forth out of your mouth. You feel your lungs fill with the red liquid being furiously pumped out by your wildly beating heart. All of this is in the foreground of an orgasm so deeply profound – so terribly violent – that it almost hurts.
You drink it all down, your last gift from me. As you do, you feel my manhood erupt inside you. It pushes you onward into a second orgasm.
Your body shudders as your life’s blood flows out. Your mouth opens and closes as you try to speak. Then you feel the onset of a terrible, debilitating weakness.
You feel your life ebbing out of your body from the wound in your neck. I bend over you, coming closer. Then you feel my lips come in contact with yours.
I get blood in my mouth as I kiss you. You try to return the kiss. But your motor functions are shutting down.
There is an awful gurgling coming out of your ruptured windpipe. It’s compounded by the terrible feeling of liquid in your lungs. You’re drowning in your own blood.
Your vision starts to fade. The last thing you consider is your intense gratitude that we had this last moment together. You’re grateful it was I and not someone else from the Organization.
There are wild tingles flowing through your body, sensations that are now fading. You stare up at my face as I hover above you. The life fades from your eyes…
…and then you are gone…
I save the bloody knife. My orders are to place it in a Ziploc bag. Then it must go into a large manila envelope along with confirming photos of the kill.
I slide my dick out of your warm corpse. Then I retrieve the Polaroid to take pictures of the event. I feel numb all over, numb and emotionless.
It feels like a violation photographing you nude and spread-eagled upon the bed. Your pussy leaks my cream as your body gently quivers in death. But my orders are very strict.
I am very through as I complete my task. Eventually the pictures and the knife end up in the manila envelope. It is ready for delivery to the appropriate parties.
My heart hardens as I look at you lying there on the bed one last time. My love for my fellow man dies with you. If this is what the Organization requires of me, then I will give it.
There will be more murders by my hand. The Organization will no doubt demand it. I will show no mercy.
Three more women will eventually fall by the blade hefted in my murderous hands. But your judgement is proved to be accurate. You are right in no longer fearing for my safety within the Organization. However my life will ultimately be ended by a bullet in my temple from a member of a rival faction…
2008; 2020 (written for Zerrin Sep 3 ’08; ed. Jul 17 ‘20 by riwa)