The murder of Octavia

(For Hitomi)

I hear the screams and it tears at my heart. Tears fill my eyes in my helplessness. I can do nothing to stop them. What’s more, it is all my fault. Now all I can do is stand here looking off the balcony at my homeland, remembering how I have come to this place.

I’ve been banished to the island of Pandateria, divorced from my husband so he could marry that whore Poppaea. He sought others to claim I had committed adultery to justify the divorce. But none could be found to testify against me as I was innocent and favored by the people. So he divorced me anyway, claimed I was barren and banished me.

Once I arrived I made the foolish decision to protest my treatment. My former husband responded by having my maids tortured in my hearing. Two have now died; the screams of the last rends my heart in two.

I remember when I was betrothed to marry Nero, just a few short years ago. I was so young, so naïve. But my father had died after having my mother executed many years earlier for plotting against him. Then Nero had my brother poisoned. I knew he was the one responsible. I could never forget.

When I was in the palace I guarded my emotions well. It would do no good to show my unhappiness in front of him or his conspiring mother. So I held my peace.

I knew all about his affairs with that freedwoman Claudia Acte. And yet I held my tongue. The people admired me and I sought to be the best empress I could be with my limited wisdom.

I knew of the intrigue between him and his mother, despite the fact it was well known they committed incest with each other. And I knew Acte had been brought in to sway him against her. Agrippina tried to manipulate him but he learned to resent it. It was to cost her her life.

One day he invited her to dinner from her residence across the river. Afterwards he sent her back using one of his boats. But it had been rigged to go down in the middle of the river.

It sank beneath her. But she survived by swimming to shore. Nero was enraged. His plot had failed.

It was said she committed suicide soon after. But I know better. She was stabbed in the womb, the place that gave him birth. Afterwards he went to the body and cradled it like a lover. I said nothing.

It was becoming more and more dangerous to be in his presence. As he copulated with me he tried to strangle me to death several times. I was overcome a time or two, but I did not die.

I overheard those within his inner circle express their concerns over his treatment of me. But he hated me, claiming to have grown bored with me. He was seeing others, including that scheming Acte as well as that new whore Poppaea he was now copulating with.

I was unhappy, yet I kept my tongue. He continued to have me, frequently strangling me in the act of lovemaking. But with him it was not lovemaking; it was by force. He preferred his many other lovers over me, and he wanted to marry Poppaea.

I continued to say nothing, and the people continued to admire me. It made him angry with me. On the day he found out Poppaea was with his child he falsified a charge of adultery against me. When I was divorced he banished me to this island. He hates me, but she loathes me far more as her virtuous rival.

When I was brought here I soon learned the citizens of Rome sought my return. It brought some small joy to my heart. But that joy was taken away when I sent word of protest as to my treatment. That was when he sent guards to torture my maids. Two are now dead, and the screams of the last are fading away.

For the first time in many days I no longer hear cries of agony. The screams are gone, perhaps the last one is now at peace. But I must carry the guilt of my part in their deaths. I stand at the balcony and look out over the water toward my homeland beyond, wondering if I will ever set foot on that soil again.

The next day a courier brings word that Nero is considering marrying me again. He is afraid of the people. But I am more afraid of him and of that woman who carries his child.

Surely I cannot be long for this world. My maids are gone; there is no one here to bring me comfort. Is the end in sight? I am only twenty two; this life is difficult for one so young as I.

The answer comes that very afternoon. A messenger summons a centurion and has a word in private. Then the centurion comes for me. When he brings his sword I know my fate has been sealed.

“Mistress?” There is a look in his eyes. I think he does not want to do this.

“Can I make a request?”

“Name it, Mistress.”

“Before you do this thing… will you please make love to me? Just once I would like to experience the passion of a lover’s embrace.” I had seen his eyes on me several times before. I hoped it would not be too dishonorable of a request.

“He would have me executed, Mistress.”

“Tell no one. I will certainly not be able to speak of this. Take me in private and then do what you must.”

I saw the look in his eyes. He truly wanted me. For the first time in my life I felt desired. My nipples hardened and I grew moist down below.

I told the servants to see to it we were not disturbed. They knew what was to happen to me and nodded somberly. Then he led me back to a private room with a bed. It would look less suspicious than being in my quarters. And I did not want to endanger the servants or this centurion because of my selfish desires. My maids had already suffered enough for all.

I allowed him to remove my garment until I stood naked before him. Strangely I felt no shame. His eyes devoured me like no man’s ever had, certainly not my former husband.

He touched and caressed me until I felt hot with desire. He undressed and I saw he was hard with longing. Then he took me.

It was lovemaking I had never experienced before. Tears of joy came to my eyes as I gave myself fully to him. I cried out with rapture as he filled me. So this was how it felt to unite as lovers.

When we were done he took me and bound me naked right there in the room. “Mistress, I am instructed to send your head to Poppaea as a present.” I was not surprised to learn this awful truth.

“Then do it,” I instructed, bowing my head low. He had satisfied my wishes. But now I had become a whore and deserved a dishonorable execution.

“We are alone, Mistress,” he told me as he drew his dagger. Then he cut my veins as though I was committing a traditional Roman suicide. It was his last act of kindness to me.

“This is for the people of Rome, the people who love you. You have committed suicide rather than the dishonor of execution. This is what will be told.”

I looked up at him with gratitude in my eyes. Then I lowered my head, grateful for his last gift to me. The sword came down and I felt a sharp pain in my neck…

Epilogue:

Her death brought much sorrow to Rome. According to Suetonius, years later Nero would have nightmares about his mother and Octavia.

© 2016 (written for Hitomi Aug 30 ’16 by riwa)

(Note: I embellished the part of her and the centurion at the end. According to wikipedia she was suffocated in an exceedingly hot vapor bath. But her veins were sliced and her head was sent to Poppaea. The other items mentioned in this tale are all or mostly true as far as I have been able to research.)