1
I could never forget. I do not know why they did not understand that. Perhaps they believed with time I would adapt to my new surroundings… and for awhile I did. But I could never forget that fateful morning when they attacked my village.
I was only a child when they came charging in on horseback. Mother tried to shield me and got an arrow in her chest as a reward. Father attempted to protect my older brother as he raised a makeshift spear to fight back. Both went down together as more arrows flew.
I tried to run but there was nowhere to go. Anyway it was foolish of me to try outrunning a steed. One of them simply scooped me up onto her horse. Then she hauled me away as I heard the screams and cries of the dead and dying behind me.
She took me back to a village of a tribe of Amazons. She said her name was Thosestra and that she would be my new mother now. I tried to beat against her chest with my fists, screaming for my real mother. But it was like beating a tall tree with my hands in order to fell it to the ground.
She fed and clothed me, taking care of me as though I was her child. Twice I tried to run away. But I was always caught and brought back to the village. She would punish me severely, but then she would lovingly tend to the wounds made during my punishment. In due time she wore me down…
2
The other girls in the village looked down upon me, although Thosestra always showed me kindness and love. In time I saw the others learning the bow. I told myself I would show them all, so I learned the bow as well as the ways of the warrior.
As I grew older I became more proficient until there was no one my age who could best my skill. Soon I added the skill of the knife and the sword to my abilities. It was then that Duxestra, the ruler of the tribe, decided I was ready for battle. Thosestra could not disagree, although she wanted to.
I went out on a hunting party with several others. Only I and Eonteotone came back with game, our arrows flying swift and true. From that day onward I was no longer looked down upon by the others. I had become a full member of the tribe and was awarded great respect. And Eoteotone and I would soon become more than friends.
I did not fully understand the first time she and I were alone together. But her touches awakened something within me. My body sang with pleasure, and I learned to return that same pleasure to her as well. And for a time I thought I had forgotten…
3
Late one afternoon we were attacked by a raiding party. I rushed out with my bow and sword to defend the tribe despite Thosestra’s concerns. When the battle was over I had felled three male warriors with my bow. But we had lost two of our own.
That night we sang the song of mourning as we gave them an honorable burial, a song Thosestra had taught me years earlier. I sang passionately, for I knew the fallen well as I had grown to know each and every member of the tribe. The loss was a painful one.
Even then I thought I had forgotten. But I had not. It was only buried deep the way we buried our fallen.
From that day on I asked to be allowed to go on the raids with the others. I wanted to fight, to make them pay for what they had done to our beloved sisters. It did not matter which tribe or raiding party was responsible; I wanted to hunt them all down.
Thosestra was reluctant, not wanting to lose me in battle as she could not bear children. But Duxestra knew of my abilities and had to give her blessing. I was skilled with the bow and sword, and would be helpful in battle. The woman who had nurtured me all those years could not deny this and was forced to relent…
4
I went out seeking vengeance with seven of our tribe. They told me not to be so eager and to save some of the men for later to become slaves so they and others of our village could become pregnant. But I did not want a man in that way. Something burned within, a strange hunger that could not be quenched.
Our raiding party was successful; I killed two more with the bow and one with the sword. I even saved the life of Cakolyte who would have been run through had my arrow not sang out. Afterwards my passions were enflamed, and Eonteotone and I joined ourselves together once we were alone back at the village. But deep down I was not satisfied.
I went out on more raiding parties; I could not get enough blood. Sometimes I would go charging headlong into the enemy camp, throwing them into disarray to see an enraged Amazon in their midst swinging a sword. By the time the slaughter was complete often no male remained alive, my sword and I claiming many.
My sister warriors went back and reported my brazenness in battle to Duxestra and Thosestra. I soon gained a reputation as an Amazon not to be trifled with. But there were others who wondered if perhaps I was a little too eager to jump into the fray risking a premature death…
5
One day we learned of a secret raiding party seeking to destroy the Amazons. I went out with three of my sisters to track them down and destroy them. We would not allow this threat to reach our village and take away any lives.
We found a camp with a smoldering fire, but there was no one around. Then an arrow came out of nowhere and pierced Glarses in the side, a mortal wound. Athippe fell next; then I saw Xobrimeia caught by surprise by a male with a sword.
I knew I was too late to save her, but still I was prepared to dive into battle and give my life if need be. But she cried out, “Ciodora, RUN; there is danger!” That’s when I bolted from my spot behind a tree. It was none too soon; a moment later an arrow hit the trunk right where I had been standing.
I heard her cries of “Run, Ciodora; RUN!” Then she cried out no more. I blinked tears out of my eyes knowing her head had probably been taken as was the custom of our enemies. Mine would be next if I did not get back to the safety of the village.
My ears were sharp and I heard the sound of someone chasing me. I could run like the wind, but only for a short distance or until I could find a place to hide. But I could tell my pursuer was gaining on me. So I turned and drew my sword ready to face my foe and to die if I must.
He came from a direction I did not anticipate, knocking the sword out of my hand as he knocked me down. Then he was on top of me, and the battle was over. The spot where I’d fallen was to mark the end of my existence.
I panted heavily for breath as I looked up at him. I saw the rage in his eyes as he drew his dagger; he was panting heavily too. But I was not afraid. I actually felt a peace as though I was about to be released from a heavy burden… a peace along with that excitement I always felt before joining with Eonteotone.
“Kill me now!” I told him proudly, preparing to die like an Amazon as I offered myself to him. Then he blinked and looked at me in astonishment.
A smile flickered at the corners of his mouth and he stayed his hand with the blade. “You never could outrun me, Ciodora,” he finally told me. “All those times I chased you down by the stream, and I always caught you! Now I have caught you again!”
I stared in shock; who was this one?? “Don’t you remember me?” he asked. “You have grown beautiful from the last time I saw you!” Then a name came to mind, a name I had indeed not forgotten…
“Damianos?”
“It is I,” he breathed heavily. “I have caught you and you are mine. Now I shall HAVE you!”
I writhed underneath him, torn between my duty as an Amazon and my remembrance of a childhood friend. Then he kissed me fiercely. I tried to resist, but my passions of battle and of nearly losing my life had once more become enflamed. Besides, he had conquered me, subdued me; and to the victor belong the spoils.
He took me and I did not resist. He peeled off my garment, exposing my heaving breasts. Then he feasted upon them, weakening me even further just as Eonteotone was wont to do with her lips. Before long we were both disrobed.
He entered me and I felt a brief pain; it was the first time I had been penetrated despite the many times Eonteotone and I had been alone together. Then I felt a pleasure unlike anything I had ever felt before. “Take me,” I moaned, ashamed of myself and yet desirous for more.
We were there until late in the day before we rose and dressed ourselves. He explained how he had been swimming in the stream and had hidden when the Amazons attacked our village. He also told me of finding my parents and older brother.
“I should kill you,” he told me sadly. “We are out hunting Amazons over what they did to our families and our villages. I have joined with others to hunt you down.”
“And I should kill you,” I replied, feeling very much in turmoil as I lowered my head. Seeing him had taken me all the way back to that fateful morning in my village. I remembered all; it had never been forgotten nor could it be.
“We dare not see each other again, Ciodora,” he told me as he started to go. “It is a life we cannot have, a life we cannot share.” I had to agree as I struggled to hold back the tears. Then he was gone…
6
I returned to the village, forced to report the loss of the others to the raiding party. I told them we had gone up against a cunning foe and that somehow I had escaped with my life. But I felt ashamed to be alive; Damianos should not have let me live.
Duxestra decided this particular raiding party was a great threat and had to be destroyed. Immediately I volunteered to go back out. But it was not to avenge the loss of my sister warriors. It was to avenge my own family by dying in battle. As an Amazon I deserved to die.
Thosestra did not want me going back out; I think she saw something in my face. But I was adamant, and because of my skills so was Duxestra. I would go back out to face my destiny. This time Duzestra would send seven additional warriors. And Eonteotone volunteered to be among them. Perhaps she sensed this was to be my last battle and wanted to die with me.
That night she felt a distance between us as we pleasured each other. I apologized and then gave myself fully to her. I wanted our last night to be one she would remember when she sang the song of mourning for me after I had fallen in battle…
7
The next morning we set out in search of our elusive prey. This time I knew who we were dealing with, and I advised my sisters accordingly. But I felt conflicted.
As Amazons we were all deserving of death. But I felt bad Eonteotone had come along. I wanted to spare her if it were possible, even though she too had caused her share of death and suffering.
We detected the smell of fire, and once more we warily approached their camp. I was sorely conflicted, caught between two worlds. I reasoned that perhaps it would be best if we all fell together.
We found the camp and made ready to strike. This time there were two males sitting by the fire. But I felt something was wrong. My senses did not fail me as warriors came at us from both sides.
Swords came out, and it was hand to hand combat. I saw Cakolyte go down, a sorrowful event after having previously saved her life. I swung my sword in fury and her attacker went down to fight no more.
They were well trained, but we were determined. There were losses on both sides, but we were getting the upper hand. I finally dispatched the last attacking male with a lethal slash into the abdomen. Then there were no more to fight.
I heard a victorious cry and I turned to look. Eonteotone had a male head upraised triumphantly in her right hand, blood dripping freely from the stump. But when she showed me the face I saw it was Damianos!
For a moment I was frozen in horror and grief, stricken by the awful sight of losing the last member of my village. Then in one swift motion I strung up an arrow to my bow and let fly. Eonteotone had the most astonished look on her face as she lost her grip on the head and collapsed onto the ground, bleeding from a mortal wound in her right breast.
I heard a gasp to my right and the words, “Ciodora, what have you done??” Before I could stop myself I quickly strung up a second arrow. Sikenia was too shocked to move out of the way, and I felled her as well.
I panted heavily for breath, ashamed at what I had done. I had avenged my village, but I had also shamed myself as an Amazon. I knew then what I had to do. I had to go back to the village to kill… and to die…
8
I crept in stealthily as I observed the women at work. But I could not just wantonly kill even though all deserved death. That would bring me even more shame.
I moved around carefully until I found Presaytie hanging clothes on a tree to dry. The memory of her arrows killing my father came strongly to mind, and I came up behind her and slit her throat. She gurgled and then went down, a look of utter surprise upon her face when she saw that it was I.
I quickly went to find Tulkileia, another whom I recognized as attacking my village. She was a short distance away so I strung and arrow and let fly. It found its mark; she would never attack another village.
The cry went up; someone had found Presaytie. I had little time before they would find me. There was one more and I rushed there just as fast as my legs could carry me. Others saw me running, but I knew it would be too late for them to stop me.
I entered the hut of Thosestra and found her sitting there sewing a garment, no doubt something she planned to give me. I quickly pulled my dagger and charged her. Then I was on top of her, the knife at her throat. But for some reason I hesitated.
“I see it in your eyes, Ciodora,” she told me calmly. “I had hoped I could make you forget. But I see it was all in vain. So you must kill me for taking you away from your family. Kill me, Ciodora; kill me now.” But I could not do it.
The tears welled up in my eyes and began to flow like rain. “You must kill me!” she hissed. Perhaps she too felt the same guilt as I. But I could not raise the dagger. Then strong hands pulled me away, knocking the knife to the ground…
9
My arrows were eventually discovered in the bodies of Eonteotone, Sikenia and Tulkileia. I was condemned to death by beheading. I did not resist.
I was disrobed, no longer allowed to disgrace the clothing of an Amazon. Instead I was forced to wear the tunic of a slave, those men we kept for breeding. Then I was taken outside the village.
As Thosestra was the one responsible for my upbringing, now she was the one responsible for my execution. I saw in her eyes how it broke her heart. I knelt upon the sacrificial ground and faced her as she hefted the sword in her hand.
“I am ready,” I told her. Then I bowed my head in shame. I would not die a proud Amazon, but as a worthless slave.
I waited for the blade to strike, but it was not forthcoming. Then I looked up to see the tears in Thosestra’s eyes, her shoulders slumped in sorrow. I decided my last words should be ones of honor to the one who had cared for me all these years.
“Do what you must. I have shamed the village and I must die for what I have done. Goodbye, mother; I love you.” It was the only time I ever called her mother or had professed those words.
She stood upright as though renewed of spirit. Then I lowered my head. A moment later I felt a sharp pain in my neck before my world started to tumble.
I was never to hear the song of mourning my mother and many others sang later to honor me…
© 2015
(written Mar 8 by riwa)