Brinda’s decision

The medical report was a death sentence. Eric was devastated. At least it explained why it hurt so much to have sex and why we hadn’t been having any for months.

I told him I didn’t want him to be burdened with my care. He said he wanted to take care of me and that he loved me. But I just couldn’t imagine putting him through all that. I knew it would break his heart to watch my inevitable decline.

I told him I wanted to spend some time at our cabin in the woods. I didn’t know how long it would be before the disease incapacitated me. So he made special arrangements to get time off work.

I drove out early and walked all around. I was feeling rather melancholy. I didn’t want to go on living like this, knowing what was to come.

I found some thick, green rope we’d used to tie a load of possessions to haul up here. It got me to thinking. Before I knew it I was fashioning it into a noose.

I looked all around before deciding the porch would work. There was a heavy timber that looked like it would hold my weight. So I rigged it up. I did it so I would dangle just off the porch.

I had a strong compulsion to hang myself before Eric arrived. But I decided I couldn’t do that to him. We were going to spend a little time together out here and I wanted to see him one last time.

The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to give him one last moment of pleasure. Since sex wasn’t an option I’d resorted to sucking his cock lately just to get him off. I’d even gotten quite good at it. So I decided that would be my last act of love to him before I stepped off the porch into eternity.

I was waiting for him outside when he pulled up. He rushed up to hug me. Then he saw the noose dangling there.

A look of pain filled his features as he shook his head. I told him it was the way I wanted to go out. I didn’t want to end my life suffering in some hospital bed.

He tried to talk me out of it, but I was adamant. I told him I wanted to hang myself. The trees around our cabin would give me peace at the moment I stepped off. And I liked the sound of the birds and insects.

He wanted to go for a walk first. I couldn’t very well say no. My legs were still functioning and I wanted to spend some quality time with him.

We walked along a path, enjoying the serenity of the forest. We talked of fond memories we’d developed over the years. I was glad we didn’t have kids as I wouldn’t have wanted them to suffer without their mother.

We had just started back when I felt a familiar pain in my groin. He looked at me and winced, recognizing my discomfort. It always hurt him the way I suffered like that.

When we got back he went for my medication. This time I told him no. Instead I walked out to the porch and looked out at the trees as I touched the noose that would end my life before the disease could decimate my health.

“I want to do it now, Eric. I know what’s coming. Maybe you can go back to town, get your brother, come back and have him drive my car home.”

There were tears in his eyes. He wiped them away with his fist as he sniffled, “Oh Brinda.” The look of pain in his face cut me to the quick.

I made my decision and walked inside. I found a black piece of fabric that would work perfectly as a blindfold. Besides, it seemed appropriate for a condemned woman during her hanging.

I came back out and smiled at him. I wrapped the blindfold around my head so I couldn’t see. He quietly asked, “Are you sure you want to do that, Brinda?”

“I was condemned the day we got that medical report. So I think it’s appropriate. Now would you kindly noose me, darling?”

I stood there blind, wondering if he would do it. I was relieved when I felt him loop the noose around my neck. “You should be happy,” I chuckled. “You’ve always wanted to kill me over that time I wrecked the car.”

I heard him laugh in response. It had been a while since I’d heard him laugh. It made me feel better.

He snugged the noose tight. I stood there and smiled at him through the blindfold. Then a thought struck me.

I smiled at him before asking, “Does the condemned get a last request?”

“Anything for you, my love.”

“Then I want to give you one last blowjob. I’ve heard the condemned sometimes tips her executioner that way.”

“I think that’s just an urban legend or an old wives tale, darling.”

“Still, the only thing this disease hasn’t taken away from me yet is my mouth. I’d really like to suck your cock one last time… that is, if you’ll let me.”

He paused for a moment. “I’ll have to loosen the noose.”

“I can wait.”

I was both nervous and excited. It was hard to believe I was actually going to go through with it. Strangely I was becoming aroused at the situation.

The noose loosened around my neck. Eric helped me kneel. Then I heard him unzip his fly.

His cock pushed against my lips. Instantly I took it into my mouth. Strangely I became even more aroused as I began sucking him.

I took my time, memorizing the way his dick felt in my mouth. I listened to him moan until I quivered with an even greater excitement. My crotch was actually starting to get wet, the first time in a while I’d felt anything pleasurable down there.

I worked him over good, enjoying the way he gasped and moaned. With my pussy out of action, I threw all my skills into pleasuring him with my mouth. I was concerned my abilities might suffer with a noose around my neck. But it sounded as though he was thoroughly enjoying himself.

I spent a lot of time on my knees until I felt that familiar pain again. I could tell it wanted to diminish the tingling sensations in my pussy. I didn’t want that to happen, so I hurried things along.

I heard him grunt as he tensed up. Then he began cumming. I got his cream in my mouth and on my lips as I savored his flavor one last time. It almost made me cry, making me glad for the blindfold so I couldn’t see his face and he couldn’t see my eyes.

“Damn, honey; that was excellent.”

“I’m so glad, darling. I wanted to give you something wonderful for you to remember me by. In fact, I’d love it if you would enjoy watching me hang. I’ve heard some males can get pretty excited at seeing a woman all noosed up. Now tie the noose for me again, ok?”

“Honey, you know how I feel about this.” But I heard movement on the porch. A moment later I felt the rope tighten around my throat.

“And you know how I feel,” I told him with love in my voice. “Please tell me you’re a little excited. I think it helps. Lie to me if you have to.”

I heard a pause before he cleared his throat. “Darling, I must say seeing that noose around your neck is a bit of a turn-on. And the way you sucked my cock was more than a little exciting. I… I actually got this mental image of you hanging after sucking me.”

I felt an erotic jolt at his words. It was just what I needed to hear. It made the pain diminish as my arousal intensified.

“Ok, honey,” I breathed as the butterflies began swarming in my stomach. “Just point me to the edge of the porch. I want to step off and do this myself. After all, I don’t want you to have any trouble with the authorities. In fact I’d better…”

I paused before wiping my mouth, licking off any residue of his cream. I licked my lips, trying to remember the flavor. Then I felt him guide me to the edge of the porch.

“Brinda?” I could hear the tears in his eyes without seeing his face. It broke my heart. Then I felt another surge of pain in my groin.

“Damned disease,” I muttered quietly. “I love you, Eric. Always remember that. I hope you get some enjoyment out of this.”

The next twinge of pain made me step off. Instantly I was aware of a new agony as the rope tried to close off around my throat. My hands were free so it would look like I’d done this to myself.

It felt like I was falling without ever hitting the ground. My feet kicked instinctively as my hands involuntarily reached up for the rope around my neck. I heard an anxious “Brinda??” and I responded “Don’t… interfere…. just… let me go!”

The tingling in my crotch intensified. I was actually feeling a pleasure in the midst of all that pain. I guess the rope was thick enough that I wouldn’t die right away.

I kicked and struggled, trying to gasp for breath. I felt an erotic jolt down below. It made me reach down and rub myself, thankful my hands were free.

I kicked harder, my body wanting to live. It wanted to condemn me to a few short months of agony in a bed. But there was something else occurring, something I hadn’t experienced in a long time.

I rubbed harder and it felt good. Then I became aware of another sensation. It felt like my bladder wanted to give way. I hadn’t thought about that.

It hurt until I could hardly breathe at all. My bladder was on the verge of giving out, and I tried to hold it back. I could feel sexual pleasure trying to crest, the first pleasure in several months. If only I could…

The rope cut my breath off as I wore myself out. I didn’t quite achieve what I was looking for; the disease was too pronounced. But I welcomed what I did experience.

I quietly swung back and forth. Amazingly my footwear stayed on. I considered it a small victory, just like all my previous little daily victories since the beginning of my suffering.

I could feel myself spiraling away as my bladder released. I felt urine trickle down my legs and drip off my feet. I thought I heard Eric tell me he loved me. Then he was crying softly as all that damnable pain in my groin finally went away, never to be experienced again.

2018 (written Nov 29 ’18 by riwa)

(Inspired by pictures I found in my archives and used for illustration purposes.)

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