Update/My 12 unpleasant days of Christmas

Brief update: My mom is doing fine, except for a bee problem she has. I don’t know if she will still have it after winter, but she may have some bees to get rid of. She’d gotten snow and cold temps and was forced to get another car. But she says it started right up even though it was below zero.

My ex is doing fine. I still go every week for an hour to put a smile on her face. She has adapted remarkably well to a situation that would drive me nuts. And the nurses all seem to like her.

I’m doing well even with the recent snows we’ve had. I walk to some places close by and I’m careful not to walk too fast so I don’t slip and fall and break my neck. And my doctor visits this last fall indicate I seem to be doing well.

So you can see my life is pretty boring. And instead of trying to come up with something for a whole blog update, I combined it into a story to go with the season so you have something to enjoy, kind of like my last blog where I did have a toothache, but I invented something additional to give you all a fun reading experience.

I hope all of you are doing well. Have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. And thanks for stopping by and reading the stories I upload. Now on with the show…


I have a problem this Christmas. It’s about my current girlfriend Marilyn. I think I’m going to have to break up with her.

I don’t think she understands me when it comes to giving gifts. And I think she’s somehow related to my last girlfriend. Either that or she thinks she’s being funny as hell.

My last girlfriend put me in debt up to my neck. And it’s all because of last Christmas. Now I think my current girlfriend is doing the same thing.

Last year I was trying to figure out what to give my girlfriend Janice when this truck from a nursery pulled up. They were delivering a pear tree to be installed in my yard. And they had a partridge in a cage to go along with it.

There was just one problem.

I live in an apartment so I’m not allowed to plant a pear tree in the courtyard. Besides, the ground was frozen. But I wasn’t allowed to return it.

I knew of a dairy farm outside of town. I called and asked if the farmer was interested in planting a pear tree since I had one to dispose of. The farmer said he would take it, but I would have to pay to have it installed.

I tried to call my girlfriend back to explain what happened. But the call went straight to voice mail. She was out of town visiting relatives. So I was stuck with this partridge in this bird cage in my apartment.

The next day I got another delivery – two turtle doves. I’m not much of a bird person. But I didn’t know who else to pawn them off on. Now I had three little mouths to feed.

I called my girlfriend again, trying to tell her they’d arrived. I wanted to explain to her how impractical this all was because I was not equipped to house them. Once more, my call went straight to voicemail.

The next day I got three French hens. But there was no way I would be allowed to put up a chicken coup in the courtyard. So I had three more birds inside my apartment. At least I had the possibility of getting some eggs out of the deal. But now my cozy confines were becoming a little crowded.

The arrival of four calling birds the next day did not help matters any. They were noisy as hell and I didn’t know what to do with them. I figured my best option was to try getting rid of all my birds.

I put out several calls, but was stymied at every turn. I figured maybe it was time to build an aviary somewhere. Perhaps with the farmer’s permission I could put one up on that dairy farm I knew about.

The arrival of the 5 gold rings was a nice surprise. I figured she’d had her fun with me and had sent me something I could pawn to pay for dealing with all those birds. By now the apartment was starting to smell. And the neighbors on either side of me were complaining about the noise.

The arrival of the geese the next day was not pleasant. I had no place for them, no room to fit them in my apartment. I tried leaving them outside, hoping they would fly south for the winter. But that didn’t work.

I had been putting it off, but I finally called that farmer and asked if I could put up an aviary on his property and house all my birds out there. He told me I could so long as I paid for it. My Christmas was becoming more and more expensive.

I had to sell one of the gold rings to build the aviary on his property. I also lost my eggs when I sent over the French hens. But I decided it was a small loss since I didn’t want any birds in my apartment.

When the swans showed up in the next day’s delivery truck, I was more than a little put out. I had them sent over to my aviary. But they put up quite a ruckus as apparently they needed some water to do a little swimming in to soothe them.  So I had to put in a little stream that circulated throughout the interior of the aviary. That resulted in the selling of another ring. I found myself praying that would be the last of the birds.

Imagine my surprise when eight Swiss maids showed up the next day. But all they were good for was milking. So I sent them off to the farmer, telling him to put them to work if he could. He agreed so long as I paid to house and feed them. There went another of my gold rings.

I have no idea what my girlfriend was thinking when she sent me the lady dancers the next day. I’m not a dancer and I don’t have a band to play music for them. Again, I sent them over to the farmer to see what he could do with them.

When the lords showed up the following day, I was really starting to worry. I had nothing for them to do. But I told them where they could go find some musically inclined ladies. Maybe they could all go leaping and dancing together or something like that. So I sent them over to see the farmer. But I had to hock another gold ring to pay to house them.

I was going crazy when the pipers showed up the next day. I have no idea what my girlfriend was thinking. Yes, I used to be a musician. But that was many decades ago. And I wasn’t interested in learning how to play a pipe. So I sent them off to the farmer as well, hoping they could serenade the lords and ladies while the maids did their milking at the farm.

When the drummers arrived the last day, I sent an angry voicemail to my girlfriend telling her I was breaking up with her. I had to sell my last gold ring, and I was forced to put the remaining debts on a couple of credit cards. The season was becoming more miserable as Christmas approached.

I sent off the drummers to the farm, hoping that might be the end of it. But the next day I got a call from the farmer. He told me I needed to do something as he couldn’t take it anymore.

He said the maids were slow as molasses when it came to milking, especially when he had equipment that could do the job much faster. Then there was this row caused by the maids herding some cows down the highway in a parade while the ladies danced, the lords leaped, and the drum and piper corps followed up the rear. I guess they blocked traffic, and several citations were issued.

I told him to tell everyone my credit cards were maxing out and that I could no longer pay to house them anymore. I told him they could all do what they wanted and to take care of things himself. I no longer wanted this thing hanging over my head.

I thought all was cool for a couple days. Then the farmer called me and told me I’d better come over. He said things had taken an ominous turn and for me to come have a look.

I asked him what was going on. He told me he had told everyone they could do whatever they wanted, but they had three days to get off his farm. But for some reason things had gotten out of hand.

I drove to his farm where he took me out back. I wasn’t expecting what I saw when we entered the first building. It wasn’t filled with livestock. Instead, those maids were being subjected to some very cruel, medieval tortures by the pipers and half the drummers.

Most of the girls were naked and in some sort of bondage. Two of them were actually in milking machines. I couldn’t believe the way those breasts were being enlarged while those milkers sucked on their tits.

I found a third girl being dunked in a trough of cold water. The guys seemed to enjoy listening to her cries and her gasps for breath. “That’s nothing, the farmer told me. “They took a fourth girl to the aviary, put in a sawmill waterwheel, and now they have her tied to that. She gets dunked every time the wheel spins around.”

Another girl was tied down to a rack, her arms and legs being stretched out as a piper applied a branding iron to her. Still another was in the stocks with weights attached to her nipples, grotesquely pulling her nipples down as the guys took turns paddling her behind. One girl was hanging from the air by her secured wrists, and was getting a serious flogging. I saw red welts on both sides of her naked body.

The last one was on her hands and knees sucking the cocks of the men not needed elsewhere. I was asked if I wanted to have my cock sucked. I politely declined.

“Is this all?” I asked the farmer in astonishment.

“That’s not the half of it.” Then he directed me to the other large building out back. What I saw in there was even worse.

The lords and remaining drummers were hanging those dancing ladies. I guess they had taken the “dancing” part a little too literally. Four were already dangling naked side by side.

The first three were gently swaying while the fourth was still kicking a little. I saw more nooses waiting to be used. A fifth girl was being noosed up on top of a bale of straw. She looked frightened out of her wits.

Two other ladies were in a bed of straw being gang-banged. The last two were sitting on bales of straw buck-naked. They were masturbating as though the whole damned thing was a huge turn-on.

I went over to them and asked why they didn’t run away. “The lords would only catch us, bring us back and hang us anyway,” they told me. “Besides, we never realized how erotic it would be watching our friends hang naked. We think we’re going to get good orgasms out of the deal before we’re dead.”

I shook my head and watched as the fifth lady was pushed off the straw bale. She kicked and danced as though she was in severe agony. The guys were naked and stroked themselves as they watched.

I was horrified, yet strangely aroused. They really thought it was hot watching that poor lady swing. Her two unoccupied friends simply masturbated harder as they looked on, watching her hang and gasping things like, “That is so hot… Brandy looks like she’s cumming in the noose… gawd, I hope I cum hard like that.”

I shook my head and told the farmer I had no idea this was going on. I said it was happening on his property without my authorization and that I’d only wanted them gone so I didn’t have to pay for their housing and meals anymore. He rained obscenities down upon my head, told me to get the hell off his land and that he never wanted to see me again.

I went home thinking that would be the end of it. But the tortured maids survived. I had to pay to fly them all back to Switzerland.

The lords, pipers and drummers were all arrested and charged with a ton of crimes ranging from holding a person against their will to first degree murder. I told the investigators I’d entered into an agreement with the farmer to house them and put them to work on his property. But I had no idea all that stuff would happen.

Thankfully I didn’t have to go to jail. But I had to pay a big fine anyway, putting me in debt over the holidays and carrying on into the next several years. At least I was not charged as an accessory to murder. But I can’t get the image of those naked girls dangling from those nooses out of my head. And seeing all those other girls being tortured like that was, well… I had no idea it would all get so out of hand.

I’m still paying off my credit cards. My credit rating is shot and I may have to declare bankruptcy. Like I said, I broke up with Janice soon after the drummers arrived, telling her what she’d sent me as gifts was crazy and that I never wanted to hear from her again.

…all of which brings me to today…

Marilyn has just sent me a gift. And I’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I’m thinking of breaking up with her.

There’s a large truck outside. You can guess what’s in the back.

I don’t suppose there’s anyone out there who’d be interested in a pear tree, would there? I can toss in a partridge to sweeten the deal if you’ll take it off my hands. I’ll even pay for the shipping…

© 2016 (written Dec 21 ’16 by riwa)

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